This took place at the grill while I was "instructing" him on how to grill the chicken and heat the bagels...
Him: One of these days I'm going to smack you in the head.
Me: No you won't.
Him: And why not?
Me: Cause you don't want me to get that alimony payment...
Ain't love grand?!
(And for the record he would never really smack me because A) he's not that type of guy B) I'm not that type of girl C) I really would divorce his ass and take as much as I could.)