Notice I said was.
After that week I took a break from it. That break has turned into an extended vacation. Now I would say it's more like a permanent separation.
But I don't want it to be.
My follow through with things that I really don't want to do - dieting, exercise, taking vitamins, cleaning - is awful. AWFUL. When it comes to these dreaded tasks my determination starts out strong but then comes to a screeching halt.
S recognizes this lacking quality in me. Sometimes he just makes a friendly comment...
"What happened to the diet?" as I greedily shovel Häagen-Dazs in my mouth.
"Shut up." I reply in between bites.
Other times he gives me a little push in the right direction. Like helping me look for sports bras in Walmart.
We found a three pack for 10 bucks that work pretty good when I wear two at a time. I only know this because I tried them on at home and did a test jumping jack. I have not actually wore them during a workout, and they mock me for it daily.
I know he only has my best interest at heart, and that he is just trying to support me in goals that I WANT to obtain. But that doesn't stop me from being a b*tch about it when he's "encouraging" me.
Truth is, it's not him I'm mad at. I'm mad at myself.
I hate that my motivation fizzles and that I end up quitting. I hate that my follow through is worthless. I hate that I fail myself every time I stop doing things to improve myself.
I don't know why I feel defeated before I even start. I don't understand why I have to work at it so hard and it comes natural to other people.
I've been following Angie's "Trim the Fat" Thursdays and I've decided to follow her example. Every week she lists her goals for the upcoming week. The best part is that she updates the following week, being very honest about how she did.
I think (or at least I hope) that trying this will hold me accountable. And that I will make obtainable goals.
1. Drink 4 glasses of water a day. (I know it should be more, but I need a workable starting point.)
2. Take vitamins EVERYDAY.
3. Work out with Jillian 3-4 times.
So there is what I hope to accomplish this week.
Wish me luck! (Advice welcome!)