Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Pervs R Us...NOT!

A quick glance at Google Analytics tells me I might need to change some of my subject matter.

Some popular searches people use to find my blog:

succulent soccer moms - Is someone planning on having a soccer mom roasted?

nude soccer moms - As if I would ever post a nude picture of myself anywhere. Pu-leeze.

soccer mom show me your wife -Again with the voyeurism...

"sex blog" - I know I've done a few posts regarding sex (like the Eden Fantasies giveaway or the Sexis plug) but I'd hardly consider this a "sex blog"

average mom sex - I'd like to think I'm above average thankyouverymuch.

+soccer mom f$cking - ....no comment...

brother f$cker moms not home video hub - I don't even know what the hell this is supposed to mean, but I'm pretty sure I should be offended when the words brother & f$cker appear in the same sentence.

he f$cks his mom pictures - What is wrong with these people?!!



It seems I will have to come up with some code words or something, cause while I'm all for talking about "circus", I don't want to encourage all these pervie "circus" lovers to find their way here.

"Circus" of course, being my new code word...

Monday, June 8, 2009

Out till fall...

I just realized that I never posted any pictures from Bratty Nephew #3's graduation. And since it's Monday & I'm up entirely too early, I thought this would be the perfect time to do so.

His big day (for the 2nd time) was a couple weeks ago and next year he will be in kindergarten.

Geez I'm old...

After all the kids file in, they do the Pledge of Alligance...

...then sing a few songs, including "You Are My Sunshine"

After trying to get his attention for 15 minutes, he finally gives me a little smirk. BN#3 looks less than thrilled huh?!


See his little diploma? Too cute. His sister has a carpet burn on her nose from earlier that week. I took her to the doctor for her shots and she fell in the waiting room. :o(

She wants to be like her big brother.



Apparently the cap is only for kids...





This little piggie eats "trees"...

...while all the rest eat cake.

Well, except for the Graduate. He's too busy celebrating.

(Captions coming soon; time to shower now.)

Our high school graduation is this week....let the festivities begin!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Tums can't fix this...



*Does anyone have an extra ark? Seriously it's raining. Again. And I'm ready to load up the animals and head to dry ground.

Of course by "animals" I mean S...{{rawr}}

*At our spaghetti dinner fundraiser last night (raised $665 - woohoo!) S & I realized we only have 12 months of high school left with the teen. We then fist bumped in celebration.

*During said fundraiser last night two teenage girls said they like my shirt. My Walmart shirt. So does that make me cool? Or does that make Walmart cool?

*All parents/adults fist bump right?

*After my complaint about Comcast last week, I had a comment from Mark Casem @ ComcastCares1. After one email exchange last Friday, I've heard nothing. Nada. Nilch from him. Ummm, if they really cared then I wouldn't haven't been left hanging...

*By Walmart shirt, I actually mean the second one I bought over the weekend. Same shirt, different color. Just trying to keep it real here.

*We signed up for the Summer Dart league...that starts next week and guess who's captain? Me! Which means absolutely nothing.

*While some call me captain, you can call me a Hot Mama


That's right the Hot Dads recently named me as one of their newest Hot Mama's. (Pictures are on the way fellas!)

*And while I'll be a unimportant captain & a Hot Mama, I will no longer be the booster prez come the end of June and my last official meeting is on Tuesday.

Fist bump anyone??

Have a wonderfully, wicked, rain-free weekend!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Taaat's Right!

For all of you following along, this is the 3rd & final installment of S's latest tattoo.

The first session consisted of just the outline...



Then came a little color, and a lot of background...



Finally, last night it was finished.




Amazing no?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

DVDs & Other Torture Devices...

I'm not going to write another post about the torture that Jillian is inflicting on me with that hellish DVD.

Although it's hard to forget about when there is a definite stinging in my thighs and abs today.

She. is. the. devil.

Ahem.

Instead I would like to gather support for my new platform. I believe very strongly that ALL dressing rooms should come with an emergency button.

Picture Staple's easy button, except they are in ALL dressing rooms nationwide and they actually work.



I thought of this little piece of genius yesterday while in a Target dressing room. Any guesses why it came to me at that moment? No?

Well, let me describe that moment for you...

Having found a cute tank top and a sports bra (that claimed to be my size) I grabbed the little placard card and made my way to the dressing room to try on these items.

First the tank...hmmmm yes I think I can make this work by layering another tank so that my bra straps aren't too noticeable.

Side note: I know that showing "the bra straps" is apparently not considered faux pa anymore, but in my world I don't show my straps and I don't wear white shoes after Labor Day. Call me crazy (or southern) but that's how I roll.

Then I brazenly grabbed the sports bra and put it over my head. I started to tug it down over the shoulders, then the pits...and that's when it happened.

It wouldn't move any further. It was stuck.

I swear it felt like hours while I struggled to either bring it down or pull it up. I frantically searched for an emergency button because I thought crying out, as I wanted to do, would have been a little embarrassing.

Seeing as how they didn't have an emergency button, I just kept tugging, tugging, tugging and was finally able to pull it down and get the boobs where they should go.

I would have been better off trying on a jock strap.

Even after all that, I still did a jumping jack right there in the dressing room...cause you know it would have been worth it if it worked.

It SO didn't work. Seriously, this thing had the support of a band aid on my ta-tas and felt like I had just wrapped myself in a large, hot pink rubber band.

Ladies, I don't want anyone else to have to suffer from this kind of pain & suffering, so I ask you, no beg you, to join me in this cause.

If stores are going to sell items made of Lycra and sized completely different than any other item in the world, then they must provide assistance in the dressing rooms. We should not be held hostage while trying on sports bras, bathing suits, shapers or any other form fitting apparel.

The retail industry MUST be held accountable!

Will you join me in this crusade?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Enemy Number One

There's this lady.

Who is too pushy.

She smiles and talks nice, but really she's out to get me.

I just know it. And I would totally kick her butt.

Except that it hurts to lift my leg...

I hate really, really dislike this lady.



Jillian Michael's is evil.

Shannon warned me. Did I listen? NO!

I started that DVD with high hopes and rose colored glasses. Let me tell you, it was about 30 seconds into the WARM UP that I started to think I might die.

Jillian says that you can take a break, but no more than 5 seconds. Apparently she doesn't understand that I need OXYGEN to live and it requires more than 5 seconds to recuperate from parts of her torture.

Another thing that I discovered- my boobs weren't designed for exercise. At one point I was pretty sure that if the lack of oxygen didn't kill me, that my boobs were going to put me into a coma.

Anyone know where I can find a ginormous sports bra?

Or an oxygen tank?

Monday, June 1, 2009

I'm it!

I was tagged by Shannon & Brandy for this meme & since it's Monday...well, you know the drill.

8 things I'm looking forward to:

1. Being off of work today. Yes already!
2. Getting some new books today.
3. Seeing my niece & nephew this afternoon.
4. Having my kitchen clean again. It's a mess right now.
5. Thursday's concert at the high school.
6. Going on vacay. Sometime. Somewhere. No definite plans yet. :(
7. Eating cheerios this morning.
8. Following Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred.

8 things I did yesterday:

1. Went to the Flea Market with S.
2. Met my aunt and went to breakfast together.
3. Made beef stroganoff for dinner.
4. Watched Underworld: The Rise of the Lycans on DVD.
5. DVR'd the MTV movie awards - I have not watched it yet.
6. Ate Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream.
7. Switched our home phone to a cell phone.
8. Asked SS to pick up french bread for dinner.

8 things I wish I could do:

1. Possess a high metabolism.
2. Speak Spanish.
3. Organize my clothes.
4. Grow my own veggies.
5. Control my emotions without medication.
6. Win the lottery.
7. Go to Vegas. (S -Hint, hint)
8. See the future.


8 shows I watch:

1. Gossip Girl
2. Nip/ Tuck
3. The Real Housewives of...NY, NJ, GA, Orange County - I watch them all.
4. Dollhouse
5. One Tree Hill
6. Top Chef
7. Daisy of Love
8. True Blood - back on June 14th!

8 favorite fruits:

1. Pineapple
2. Cherries
3. Tomatoes
4. Bananas
5. Apples
6. Tangerines
7. Grapes
8. Watermelon

8 places I'd like to travel to:

1. Ireland
2. Scotland
3. England
4. Italy
5. Hawaii
6. France
7. California
8. New England

These were all Shannon's choices too, but I like them so I'm keeping them.


8 places I've lived:

1. Roanoke
2. Salem
3. Botetourt

Sorry but I've never really moved away from my family.

Tagging these 8 pals:

Denise
TMM
Carrie
Karie
A Cheap Chick
Katie
Martha
Danyele

And anyone else that wants to do it!