Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Embarrassing Moments

We've all had them. Although most of us were lucky enough not to be on tv broadcasting to millions of people when we fell on our ass like Jennifer Lopez.

Poor JLo. Good thing she has all that bootay to ease her fall.

For those of you who didn't see the "fall seen round the world" here's the video. The deed is done around the 2:38 mark.

As I said we've all had those embarrassing moments that we wish we could erase.

Like when I was 13ish and had just got a smoking new pair of LA Gears. Don't act like you don't know! They were hype with two different color shoe strings, one plain and one glitter. I loved those shoes and was not above showing them off.

During this time hanging at the mall was our weekend activity. I'll never forget going up the escalator with my friend, eyeing a boy or two, when out of nowhere my shoe string got caught.

In the escalator.

And I could not for the life of me get it loose. Picture me trying to be cool but totally panicked that I could not get my shoe string free. My thoughts started to run rampant and all I could think of was that my FOOT was next.

My friend? All that biatch could do was laugh.

She was in tears from laughing so hard. And I was stuck.

Finally, one good yank and I was free. My poor shoe strings were mangled though. Totally shredded beyond belief.

I was completely humiliated and my rad shoes were ruined. At the time I thought it was the end of the world.

Little did I know one day I would be thankful.

Thankful that my taste in shoes would evolve. Thankful that cell phones that record were not around. Thankful that YouTube was not in existence.

And that's what I'll say when we go around the table on Turkey Day.

Monday, November 23, 2009

The Monday Blues

I got the Monday blues.

Not only is it Monday but it's raining here, and it's time.

You know of what time I'm talking about. <.> time. Ugh.

And I haven't had one in a couple of months cause I'm a brainiac who skipped her white pills so I'm anticipating a bad <.>. Ugh.

In addition to Monday, the rain and my <.> I also have a ton of things on my plate and yet I chose to do nothing this weekend.

Honestly, I only left the house for about 4 hours on Saturday for a band fundraising thing. Then I preceded to plant my arse on my couch and stay there for the remainder of the weekend.

Now I'm overwhelmed with my Thanksgiving menu. And contemplating online purchases for all my Christmas shopping cause I just don't think I can handle the crowds.

Crowds piss me off.

Especially rude, rushing, oblivious crowds like those in stores now. I don't deal well with those type of situations. (I already experienced some parking lot rage this weekend and was contemplating several avenues of violence against these people before I calmed down & rationalized that being in jail over the holiday would NOT be a good thing.)

Of course some of that could be blamed on the <.> and the hormones that come with it.

Maybe now would be a good time to fill my Lexapro prescription?!

Friday, November 20, 2009

She is my guilty pleasure.

Yesterday I heard the most earth shattering news ever...Oprah is retiring. OMGosh! In...get this shizz...2011.

Whatev. Thanks for letting us know. Peace out biatch.

I've been over Oprah forEVAH. She's an obnoxious know-it-all who really thought her very presence could bring the Olympics to Chicago.

Again, I say whatev.

I'd rather have wig wearing Wendy Williams any day of the week. She is ghetto fabulous to the max. I think that's why I love her.

She talks about her fake hair, her fake boobies and her big feet. Wendy is not above poking fun at herself (as pointed out weekly by Joel McHale & The Soup), nor is she above poking at others just because they are celebs.

My favorite moments was when she asked Thomas Calabro about his hair and he admitted that he wears a hair piece. A furry yamaka I believe he called it. Hello?! Or earlier this week when she asked Morris Chestnut if all his teeth were his own teeth. And then demanded the camera go close up on his mouth.

Love, love, love that she called Jon & Kate out for being media whores and sent paper cutouts of their asses rolling away in a Barbie car. Along with the Kardashian sisters.

As Wendy would say, "How YOU doing?"

That's the official Wendy Show greeting. But you can't just say it any old way.

As long as Wendy is on TV I will never be bored. She is my newest guilty pleasure.

What's yours?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Talking Circus

I've been trying to come up with a witty way of posting about my trip this past weekend. I didn't want to do the same ole', same ole' "this is what I did" kinda post.

And then I thought about the best part of the trip - gabbing with the ladies. About everything. EVERY. THING. including, and especially CIRCUS. (<--code word alert; No worries if you're not hip to the code word, you will figure it out quick enough. Pinkie promise.)

First, I should explain to those not in the know. I went to TN with 12 other bloggers for a wonderful "girls only" weekend.

Ladies that I had never met before. And we all survived without having our hearts cut out and being chopped into little pieces. Amen.

Maybe I should have taken it as a sign when one of the first places I noticed coming into the Forge was Sexy Stuf. With one "f".

There was speak of the Liberator* and it's um, benefits. It comes HIGHLY recommended. I believe one blogger said it was like being on a stage. Uh huh.

Also recommended was the Love Ring followed by a demonstration because it is not designed for your finger. If you know what I mean & I know you do.

We chatted about the romantic ways our husbands try to get their grooves on. Phrases like "you wanna do it?" and "now that the kids are in bed it's my turn" might have been thrown about.

And one lady might have received a text from her hubs of a sexual nature at. that. very. moment. causing fits of laughter in the car.

Some of the ladies even shopped at a store called Cupid's Place that does not specialize in bows & arrows.

Now since I'm a nice blogger I will not be calling out names of who did or said what. But since I'm also an evil biatch I will show you who was there so you can make your own assumptions.

We only look innocent and demure. You could take my word for it. Or you could ask the old people that we scared off at The Apple Barn.

Ladies, I had a BLAST and I'm ready to do it all over again! Well, minus the cold I came back with. But as S says, it's nothing a little "peter"cillin won't cure.

*There is a whole site dedicated to the Liberator & other funky furnishings designed for your pleasure. If you are so inclined click HERE.

**If Like a Virgin is not playing on the radio as I'm posting this, may lightning strike me.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Mine is so much better than yours...

My husband that is.

Word. Up.

This weekend while I was living it up in the mountains of Pigeon Forge, TN with my ladies S was holding it down in the 'Tot. Noted & trademarked.

He fought through the organic veggies and found his beloved Luck's pinto beans in order to provide dinner for the teen/young adult and himself.

Then he worked a booster fundraiser in the wee morning hours without his beloved partner. That would be me. Duh.

I came home yesterday to a clean kitchen and clean laundry. (Did I mention he ALWAYS does the laundry? Hate on THAT.)

Then before S grilled pork chops for dinner he showed me the project he completed in the garage.

Honestly the "S" doesn't stand for Superman, but maybe it should.

And maybe, just maybe I'm not too disappointed that I couldn't buy him a TN Harley shirt. Especially when I realized he had shaved and cut his hair. For me.

If you know what I mean.

And you Hard Rock ladies know exactly what I mean.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Even though...

Even though you forgot to set your alarm last night and got up late...

Even though you don't like tomatoes...

Even though you won't wash my car...

Even though I got sunburnt watching you on Saturday...

Even though you eat all the mac & cheese...EVERYTIME...

Even though you never shut the shower curtain...

Even though you don't shave like you should...

Even though you call me "loser" everyday...

Even though you park closer to the house than I do...

Even though you drive me crazy sometimes...

Your Dad & I are still super proud of you.
Happy 18th Birthday!

(Don't forget rent is due on the 1st of every month.)

*What will I call him now that he's an adult. Ex-teen? Adult-child? He-who-lives-in-my-house-and-eats-much?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


I know my last post was about Lil Man but please bear with me. I just gotta share some of these pics that I took last night of him and Lil J.

And my personal favorite: I call it The Al Bundy.

Is it obvious that I'm positively smitten?!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Oh Baby!

Meet my new grandson..."Lil Man"

He was born at 12:40 this morning weighing in at 6 pounds 11 ounces, and he is 19 3/4 inches long with a head full of hair.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Insanely busy

I know this time of year is busy for everyone but it seems to be particularly crazy for me.

*My grandson could come any day now. Mr. Belly Dweller has us all on edge about his arrival date since his mother is already dilated to 3cm. She was in the hospital on Tuesday but they sent her home to wait it out since her due date is not until November 22 & her water hasn't broke.

*The upcoming holidays are weighing heavy on my mind. While I have (finally!) bought a few Christmas gifts, I still have several people to buy for. But before I can even think of that I need to plan my Thanksgiving menu.

*The last 54,298 weekends have been tied up with band and this one is no different. The teen's last competition of the season is this weekend, which means getting up butt ass early on Saturday morning. And even though I HATE early mornings, I wouldn't miss this for the world.

*The following weekend I'll be here and loving every minute of it.

*And then the weekend of the 21st I'm back to being a band parent for our annual craft show fundraiser.

In the middle of all this craziness we have our dart matches, booster meetings, and girlfriend Sundays plus our "normal" life activities.


It's enough to make me insane.ER. InsanER than normal.

Monday, November 2, 2009

It was so worth the soggy hot dogs...

This Halloween I played the part of the proud band parent. (Although I did wear a halo, it wasn't that much different from everyday life since I'm always a complete angel. Right S?)

On Saturday the teen's marching band competed in their first USSBA State Championships and...


The teen is on the end in the red uniform.

Our show this year is called "Phobias". At first I wasn't in love with it, and it's still my least favorite of all four seasons the teen has done marching band. (The first year we did Disney's "Fantasia"; second year was Frank Sinatra; last year's show was the music of Blood, Sweat & Tears.)

But it's grown on me. This little snippet of their opening is one of my favorite parts. (The sound isn't the best so turn up the volume to get the full effect.)

This year we have props that are a huge pain in the ass, but pretty cool looking on the field.

This one is my fav. That's claustrophobia if you were wondering.

For those who may not know what a "band competition" is basically several bands perform their show and they are judged on several different criteria. Typical categories include music, marching, percussion, drum major, general effect, and color guard. Those scores are then combined to determine overall place.

Saturday we took 1st in every category except percussion.

Who's your daddy?!