Have you ever wondered...?

...how Ke$sha got a recording contract? Her lyrics are awful and the auto tone is apparent.

...why people slow down once they see a police officer or state trooper on the interstate? If you can see them it's too late dumb-dumb.

...if Elvis/Tupac/Michael Jackson are really dead? They sure make good tunes in their afterlife.

...what Tony Parker was thinking when he cheated on Eva Longoria? Dude, she's hot.

...if they will just ban fat people from McDonald's? It's all downhill after the Happy Meal toy law.

...why anyone would get a tattoo on their face? Two words: Mike Tyson.

...how The Event has not been cancelled yet? That show blows.

...when Lindsay Lohan's dad will shut the eff up? No worries he'll hold a press conference to let you know.

...what you're having for Thanksgiving dinner? Oh wait, that's just me...I want to know your plans. :)

My PSA

Oprah. She irks me. A lot. Even when she is right.

That lady bothers me. I think she has over stepped her talk show boundaries a million times over. Everything from her "ta-da" voice to campaign hopping for Obama has just rubbed me the wrong way.

So it almost pains me to say this but I think she is on to something with her latest save-the-world endeavor.


Of course if I were in charge, my PSA would be more like this


I digress. Point is that I think texting while driving is EXTREMELY dangerous. I'm constantly yelling at people who I see texting while behind the wheel. (And people who don't use their turn signal. Another issue in itself...)

These are people driving 60+ miles an hour on the interstates that I travel to work. Their automobiles are in motion and their focus is somewhere else. Their head is pointed downward, eyes not on the road.

I admit that I talk on the phone in the car all. the. time. But you will never find me texting when I'm driving. I may change the radio station or adjust my mirrors. I might even apply chapstick but I never text. Never.

My teen puts his phone in the glove box when he drives. It was a rule we implemented when he started driving two years ago. For his safety and for our peace of mind. It's distracting for a seasoned driver like myself so it's ten times worse for a young driver like him and we didn't want him to be tempted.

I know people that have been in accidents because of texting. Because that joke, that picture, that "hey what's up?" was more important than their safety and those around them.

A National Safety Council study revealed 28 percent of car accidents are caused by people who sent text messages while driving.

The NHTSA states that drivers who use cell phones are four times more likely to be in a crash resulting in injuries. In fact, a driver on a phone exhibits slower reaction times and greater impairment than a driver who has a blood alcohol level of .08 percent.

Approximately 200,000 accidents are caused by text messaging drivers. Every year, these accidents kill more than 2,500 people.

It's not worth it people. It's just not.

Sign the evil one's Oprah's No Phone Zone Pledge and keep the roads safer for us all.

Just wondering...

*How much of Heidi is real and how much is plastic? Definitely a 20/80 split...and I'll let you decide which is 80%.



*Why it is so hard for people to use their turn signals? It doesn't hurt. I promise.

*Who thought "untrimmed chest" would make good lyrics in Trains "Hey Soul Sister"? Unless the song is about Chewbacca. But I don't think it is...



*Why the city is working on a major landscaping project...when budget woes are forcing them to close schools and raise the meal tax? Besides the fact that they could not afford to maintain parks & other public areas last year, bushes should be the LAST thing they spend money on.

*Signs in the same city say "DUI Illegal - City Wide". Are there cities that allow it some areas but not others? I think I'll skip a visit to those towns.

*Why are the teen & his gf holding a gnome during Prom pictures?**







**Because the photographer made them. And when I say "photographer" I mean ME.

"Crazy ass people like me"...

Yesterday I was bitching about putting up the tree and I would like to say that my mood has much improved since then.

Not so much.

My morning was off to a great start when I got behind this HAG driving 10 UNDER the speed limit in the left lane. When I was finally able to get around her, I showed my appreciation by flipping her the bird.

Ahem.

I've always had a low tolerance for stupid people but now my patience is also gone. It makes for a nice combo when I'm in public.

Yesterday I thought I could make a quick run to Big Lots and pick up some new ornaments. I grabbed what I needed and went to the front to check out. Lines were 6-7 people deep. On a Tuesday. At 1 o'clock. WTF?!

And by "lines" I mean TWO. There were only TWO frickin' lines open. Apparently they had failed to recognize TUESDAY as a big shopping day.

I tried to patiently wait. One customer down. Two customers down. Okay, only 4 in front of me now. Even though I had exactly one thing to purchase and everyone in front of me had full carts, "I CAN do this!" I thought.

Then it happened. The retard at the counter had the wrong thing and the clerk had to go off in search of the right thing or a price check or something that required her ass to leave the counter. I'm not exactly sure since I was STILL 4 people back.

What I do know is that when she still had not returned a couple minutes later I did a BBW (remember?)- put my stuff back & left.

I honestly could not stand there another second.

Of course I still needed ornaments so I stopped at Walmart after work. I thought it would be a quick trip since the outdoor center entrance is where the seasonal stuff is.

Why do I keep doing this to myself??

Those Walmart whores had closed that entrance.

Okay fine. I'm already there so I go in. I cannot find the ornaments I want but that's okay too. I change up my plans a couple of times while browsing the aisles.

Here's where the problem lies. I said 'excuse me' what seemed like a MILLION times. Only ONE lady responded. One. ONE!

Does shopping make most people deaf and/or mute and I just don't know about it? Because honestly if one more person had ignored me I would have Karate Kid'd their ass.

It was at that moment I decided it was time to go.

I got in the express lane where there was only one customer ahead of me. They had several items (well over the express limit) but that didn't bother me since it appeared they were at the end of the transaction when I got there.

Then the last item wouldn't scan. OMG! Enter the manager, the price check, the frickin' whole shebang again.

Seriously. I couldn't believe my luck, but this time I waited.

Finally the manager got the price in and gave the couple their total. It was only at this time that it occurred to the guy that he would have to pay for his stuff. I can only assume that since he only pulled out his wallet and began to count cash at. that. very. moment.

I can also assume that math is not his strong suit since it took him FOREVER to count it out.

I thought my head would explode. "CLEAN UP ON AISLE 2!"

I realize it's the holiday shopping season. I know there will be long lines and new cashiers. I can deal with those things but some stuff is unforgivable.

For the love of my sanity please follow these simple rules while shopping: (Not following them might result in violence. I'm just sayin'. There are probably other crazy ass people like me out there.)

-Please finish shopping BEFORE getting in line. No, I will not hold your spot while you get Lil Johnnie's underwear that you forgot. Yes, I will sigh and give you dirty looks when you are too stupid to know what you picked up.

-Please be ready to pay at the end of your transaction. It should come at no surprise that you will need money for that. Whether it's cash, credit or check have it ready. Not in your pocket, not at the bottom of your purse or with your husband who's in the car.

-Please acknowledge me when I say excuse me. Or better yet, say it yourself when you cut in front of me.

-Please park in ONE space. I know it's hard but COME ON one car=one space. Parking diagonally or with your tire in the space next to you prevents someone else from parking there. And no one likes slashed tires.

These are just a few of the things that irk me. Trust me when I say there are dozens of other reasons why I would cut a bitch these days.

Tell me, what's your biggest pet peeve? Go ahead get it off your chest. You're among friends.